Not counting a brief summertime (read: 150°) drive down The Strip, this is my first time in Las Vegas. Before I give you my Best of Vegas lists, etc, here’s a brief update on my health, with details provided to me by a great massage therapist named Jen at Spa Mandalay:

I am, we already knew, completely out of alignment. As of yesterday afternoon, my C1-C4 are all off track (those are in my neck, if you forgot) and, my Iliac Crest (new body part for me) is higher on the left side. As Jen put pressure on these and other parts of my body I realized why it’s nearly impossible for PT to work: not enough time. Last week I started therapy with a new therapist, who I like very much and who gave me a bunch of exercises to strengthen my atrophied mid-section. I told her about my neck/shoulder issues but warned her that if we explore them, we’ll forget about my lower back. She laughed but understood completely: there’s just not enough time in a health insurance approved session to connect and treat all the problem places in my body.

Maybe it really is time to go to a chiropractor and get my spine in line.

Day 977 (or maybe 984)

Side note: check out calendarhome.com – you can calculate the number of days between two dates. I just found out I am 471 days older than B. See, you thought B meant Boyfriend but it really means Baby.

Anyway, I’ve decided to update my Day Count to more accurately reflect the duration of my ailments. Unfortunately, though no doubt my brain’s way to distance myself from this Day of Pain, I cannot remember if The Unbelievable Bike Accident of 2003 was the first or second Saturday of June, but I’m going to go with second.

Moving on…Vegas, Vegas, Vegas.

What to do in Las Vegas?

Let’s start beyond the strip. Red Rock Canyon, about 30 minutes from most hotels on/near the strip. You don’t even have to get out of your car, $5 per vehicle buys you the right to drive the 13-mile loop, but you’re going to want to have, at least, a short hike into the gray, white and red sandstone. The volunteers at the visitor’s center can help you find the trail that’s right for you. We went into the Sandstone Quarry and up to the top of the Calico Tanks trail. Of course my camera battery died so I can’t prove we actually made it but I can tell you we had a pretty exciting view of Las Vegas, the whole city. My quads were super sore that evening and the following day but my body loved me for actually exercising. We’re planning to go back and do another trail.

B convinced me to take a Lake Mead Cruises Boat Tour. I usually stay away from tourist entrapment, mostly because I cannot handle seeing/hearing other people, and the people on this trip didn’t let me down – while a narrator taught us about the history and the geology of the area, most of our shipmates fidgeted and tried as best they could not to allow any of the information to seep into their heads. Why is it cool not to learn? Hate them. But I should admit that the little cruise itself was pretty cool not to mention incredible beautiful. And the sun was out, brilliantly illuminating the water and the land and blocking our view of the Hoover Dam. Seriously, we couldn’t see the Dam through the glare. Good thing we have our Chrysler Sebring convertible; we drove over the Dam afterwards and it was pretty spectacular.

Think about this: a bunch of guys in 1933 actually managed to build a massive dam across a massive river without much of the technology we have today. I once saw a documentary on the building of various tunnels and was particularly impressed by early Londoners digging under the Thames. So many people are so amazing. Why can’t all of us be? Oh yeah, then none of us would be. Go see The Incredibles.

Okay, third and maybe last Thing to Do Off The Strip: Valley of Fire State Park. More on this later after we actually go there.

Yes I am in Vegas for an extended stay. B was supposedly having Band Camp but it turns out that MTV was right and not-quite-rockstars are quite flakey. Guess I won’t be spending as much time alone in Las Vegas as I originally planned.

I’m not sure how to organize this Vegas guide.

Restaurants in Las Vegas mostly meet expectations, especially since my expectations for dining on the strip are low relative to dining in New York.

For example, Wolfgang Puck Bar & Grill - which I have no doubt is near in par to WP’s other Vegas ventures: Spago, Postrio, Lupo; scattered throughout many of the major hotels – was quite a pleasant experience. Sure we’d just won about $300 in pai gow poker at a $25-turned-$100 table (the arrival of Laker’s owner Jerry Buss raised the stakes; we were grandfathered in), but winnings alone to not good dinner make. Anyway, the hostesses and the waitstaff were very friendly, helpful and cool about the line and wait and were happy to split whatever we ordered between two plates: Caesar salad and veal ravioli in a crimini mushroom porcini oil sauce that was, actually, very good. Truffled potato chips with maytag blue didn’t need separate plates, neither did the sausage pizza, which was basically a sandwich, not actually pizza, but, again, I didn’t expect otherwise. All in all, we were more than satisfied with the meal.

Another example of meeting expecations, though this time they were even lower, was our lunch at Delmonico Steakhouse, an Emeril creation. I should admit that though mildly curious about Emeril, we really only went there because few of the top Vegas steakhouses serve lunch. This place won some sort of Power Lunch award; hilarious considering it was not even half full at 1pm on a Wednesday (work day, right?) and the patrons included a balding freak in a chili pepper pattered Hawaiian shirt and another winner in a Wolverine cap and Michigan State t-shirt. B suggested he might “own the team” and we laughed for about ten minutes. Our menus were pen-stained, one glass at the table was dirty and the staff, though mostly friendly, seemed never to have been in a restaurant before, must less trained. They sat the two of us at a table set for four and did not removes the other settings until moments before our wilted spinach salad with fried mozzarella arrived. The salad was shallot and lardon heavy, and they were thickly sliced. Our steaks (rib-eye and bone-in NY Strip) were pretty good, had an interesting Creole type rub, and the sides were fine. Like I said, met expectations. Emeril’s add-a-ton-of-crap sensibilities were obvious here. B was sorry we couldn’t get into N9ne at the Palms where he last month had a NY Strip that melted in his mouth, but this, again, was fine. Best part of the meal was the glass of 2003 Tobin James Cabernet Sauvignon "Notorious" Paso Robles. I may go try to buy some.

Burger Bar at the Mandalay somewhat exceeded my expectations, especially with what may be the best veggie burger I’ve ever had. I hate the ones that are all full of corn and/or peppers; this was mushroomy.

The Buffet at Bellagio fell short of my already low brunch buffet expectations though they did have a good little croissants, surprisingly good coffee and the waitstaff was helpful and considerate despite long lines (20 minutes at 2pm, one hour before closing) and fat, hungry patrons.

Dining off the strip has been good for us.

I probably don’t have to tell you that In-N-Out Burger is, as always, excellent, especially at three in the morning. And we have been introduced to another chain to love: Tacos Mexico.

Tonight we’re headed to Bella Luna, a favorite of friend’s of B.

Having a car has certainly made getting around very easy so maybe now is a good time to mention why having a car on in Vegas is a good idea. As I mentioned earlier, the outdoor trips were made possible by the rented car (though there are bus trips, etc if you want to be chauffered which is totally cool but not for me), as were the shopping trips (Alberston’s and Whole Foods – yes we have a fridge), and the dinner trips, etc. What’s the best part of having a car in Vegas? Free valet parking everywhere. True, some casinos send non-guests to the furthest corner of the lot for drop-off but pick-up is not so bad. And isn’t it worth a small tip not to have to search for your car after a couple hours of gambling and drinking?

Oh yes, gambling and drinking in Vegas. Duh. Should I talk about casinos or games or bars or what?

So far, the interior of Wynn Las Vegas has most excited me – bright, showy, over-the-top colors done in a super fun way – but the fact that they owe me $4.60 does not. Basically, I asked a guy at the sports desk to place a bet for $5 on the 4-horse to Show in the next race at Golden Gate. He gave me a ticket that said $2 which I didn’t dispute because (a) betting is just supposed to be for fun and (b) I knew he was somewhat confused because I’d earlier confirmed with him that the minimum bet was $2 and he seemed puzzled by the question. So I accepted the wrong dollar amount. My fault. Of course my horse, Cool Red, did better than place, he won and most people would probably have been upset about the $3 but B and I had some free cokes and sat in the comfy squishy chairs and enjoyed watching a few races so I didn’t complain. After the Official Results were in, I went to the desk, to a different guy, to cash out. He was Really confused. You see, seems I actually bet on the 5-horse but didn’t know how to read my ticket because I am an idiot. My closing argument was, “But I always bet on the 4-horse.” It’s amazing he held his eyes from rolling. So stupid, me. Hate them.

related and well timed news of the day:

(as reported in the NYTimes) After five lackluster months on the Las Vegas Strip, and nearly two years after rejecting a national tour, the producers of "Avenue Q," the 2004 Tony Award winner for best musical, said they would close the Vegas version of the ribald, puppet-happy musical in late May. The show, which is playing to only about 65 percent of capacity in a 1,200-seat theater at the Wynn Las Vegas, will be replaced by "Monty Python's Spamalot," which won last year's Tony for best musical.

Next, and so far free from any problem other than the ridiculous costume the cocktail waitresses wear (hideous, unflattering, bathing-suit type things) is Mandalay Bay. Clean, classy, airy interior; lots of restaurants; some of the least ugly people I’ve seen since arriving; two spas (one classic and elegant and one more modern but equally beautiful); and, though I didn’t get to see it as it’s both under construction and mostly closed, the alleged best pool in Vegas: 11 acres of gardens, waterfalls, a river, a beach, and pools including the exclusive (read: you pay to enter, men pay more), European-style (read: topless) Moorea Beach Club. If/when I come back for another Las Vegas vacation I will likely stay at Mandalay Bay (though I may just have to get over my Wynn problem).

I want to talk about THEhotel at Mandalay Bay but am now distracted by The Best Thing that happened so far In Vegas: Magnum PI on television! Why why why don’t we get it at home? Why do we have endless Sex and the City re-runs but no Magnum? It’s basically the same show. Holy cow I am so excited. Vegas rules! Of course I’ve seen it – Carol Burnett and the fake money and I’m pretty sure they get locked in a vault but he’s supposed to be at some fancy schmancy resort, all expenses paid…seems like everyone comes to paradise with a set of expectations…

As long as I’m writing about the casinos I like I should next talk about MGM Grand, home of the best restaurant in Vegas - or so we shall see in a few nights when we have a dinner reservation - Joel Robuchon at The Mansion. B has agreed to a tasting menu and we checked to verify they can substitute out any shellfish so he’s happy as a not-clam.

MORE TO COME... STAY TUNED...

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